Sometimes I find myself wishing for a do-over. Regrets. If onlys.
"If only I had not said that."
"If only I had listened."
"If only I hadn't done that."
"If only I had taken the time."
"If only I weren't so..."
"If only things were different."
We are now beginning a season of Lent that gives us dedicated time to change for the better, for a real transformation. Change, however, is not always easy. That's the suffering part.
From grade school on, I remember being reminded to give things up for Lent. Usually it would be candy. Or maybe a favorite TV show. One year I gave up coffee. (That was tough.) Some years it would be more about being generous, like what can I give rather than what can I give up. It has always involved some sacrifice.
This year the Scripture verse keep coming to me, the disciples "left their nets and followed him (Jesus)." Matthew 4:20. The first disciples left behind a most familiar life, that of fishing. Fishing was something good. But they left it behind for the possibility of something so much better. They were drawn to a person. They were drawn into a new life. It was far beyond what they ever could've imagined.
So I'm thinking, what are the "nets" in my life? What are some of the good things I could leave behind for the sake of something better. What do I not want to give up that keeps me at a distance from that intimate relationship with Jesus?
What are the opinions I hang onto that keep me from listening?
What are the activities I engage in that keep me from being available?
What possessions do I cling to that keep me from being free?
What are the "nets" that occupy so much of my time?
Can I let them go?
Can I leave them behind without turning back?
Why would I? Only for the possibility of something so much better, out of love for the sake of another, to follow Him, for a truly new and transformed life, one far beyond what I could possibly imagine.
And so I will be asking Holy Spirit to show me what I need to give up to leave my "nets" behind me on this Lenten journey. Come, Holy Spirit, come.
I've been contemplating not only what to "leave behind" this year, but also what to replace it with. My usual "go to" is giving up time wasting computer games, but over the years those have decreased to the point it isn't much to give up (Though when my daughter was here last month, she gave me "Wordle" and "Nerdle" links, so I do have those to set aside!) So, this year my offering is less concrete. This year I'm focusing on my quality of prayer, fasting from attitudes that turn me away from God (and yes, cutting out snacks too!), and almsgiving by focusing on generosity and the needs of others. This last part comes from half of the "Best Lent Ever" series that Matthew Kelly is offering online this year. My husband and I have done this program for several years now and have found it very helpful! If you're interested, just Google: Best Lent Ever 2022 Dynamic Catholic
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