I Still Need My Savior

There was a story I heard once about a saint who was dying and who was criticized by someone close to her for briefly complaining about her suffering. Her response was, "Thank God, I still need my Savior."

I don't know how true that story is, but when I think of it, it gives me hope. I am always in need of my Savior.

I am continuing to read Casey Cole's book on the Beatitudes. Yesterday I was reflecting on the chapter "Blessed are the Meek," and considering situations that lead me to losing my control. When do people get a rise out of me? When do I tend to lose my temper?... And I resolved to be patient, kind, and keep my composure.

That same day I experienced someone criticizing me.  I felt so misunderstood. My immediate response was to to raise my voice in anger to defend myself. Words were no sooner out of my mouth when I just knew that this was NOT the right response. I was far from being meek. 

Why did I respond in that way? As I think about it, what the person said had some truth to it. Pride kept me from accepting it. I could've said, "You know, you are right about that. I could've done it differently." Words spoken in anger cannot be taken back. Sometimes it's hard to say, "I'm sorry," because it is hard to admit to being wrong.

I still need my Savior.

New Socks

I am super impressed with a book I've been reading, The Way of Beatitude, Living Radical Hope in a World of Division and Despair. It's by Casey Cole, OFM and recently published in 2022.

In it, the author speaks about his own experiences with each of the nine beatitudes in the Bible, gives a little theological background, then presents questions for reflection AND suggestions on how to live out each beatitude. I'm on the first one, blessed are the poor in spirit. He writes about the spirit of poverty as an experience of being dependent and needing to rely on others, ultimately upon God.

One practical example the author suggests to develop a spirit of poverty is to begin a project for which you have no skills. (That takes trust!) Experience the stress and frustration of trying to do it on your own, and then the humility it takes to reach out to someone for help.

Another example is to give away something - not an item which you no longer use and "no longer gives you joy," but something you really like. Better still, give away something you need. This is a way of feeling poverty and identifying with those who are truly poor.

Well, I have a brand new pair of Darn Tough socks. I got them for free and I really, really like them. So I've been sensing the Lord saying to me that I need to give these away to my daughter. What a very small sacrifice. Very, very small. Just to think about giving them away, however, makes me feel a sense of loss. Over a pair of socks. But I will do it. She may not even like them, but that's not the point. I need to give them away.

I am thinking about re-claiming Friday for myself as a day of penance. Perhaps Friday is a day I can focus on living a spirit of poverty, a spirit of generosity and of healthy reliance on others. (More on that another time.)

For now I need to go and wrap up those socks. 😊

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3.